My Day: A Totally Awkward Collaboration

This is yet another TAT post hosted by Tova Darling.

You all have to understand that I don't even THINK this post deserves a Totally Awkward Tuesday post. My day sucked, and it was awkward. The horrible part was that it wasn't even that funny!

So, to begin, I woke up this morning and I didn't feel good. When you screw up, you always blame it on the fact that you feel like you're dying because you have a stuffy nose. It's human nature.

Then I went to English class. This essay I worked hard on got slaughtered in front of the class (AKA: My teacher read my essay in front of the class and took a pen and BLED on it.) There were so many typos in the essay. I was so embarrassed. I realized how much my writing sucks. I am scared to even write this post, honestly. Is that awkward enough?

Then in my next class, my teacher was drinking water. So, I thought, Okay. She's drinking water. I guess I'll take my water bottle out...

So, I take a sip. My teacher screams at me. IT'S WATER PEOPLE. I HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION. I NEED TO DRINK WATER.

But Moxie is too shy to mention that in front of a class. Now I have to call my doctor and have him FAX all my teachers proof and evidence that I am a freak of nature. (And on later TAT posts, I will give you examples of ways that teachers have treated me like a freak of nature. Stay tuned.)

And to top off my day, some freshman (FRESHMEAT. FRESHMEAT.) fell on my head. Yes, it was raining cat and freshman.

I am only joking. I was sitting outside on the concrete for lunch (I'm sure you all have heard me rant about this before), and some kid pushed his "friend" into my person. Said freshmeat apparently was slow, because it seriously took him about 3 minutes to get off my head.

Okay, freshmen falling on my head like raindrops is kind of funny.

So there you have it. A very nontraditional Totally Awkward Tuesday. I guess my day was destined to suck to epic proportions, because it's Tuesday. But at least it was awkward.

So yes, please, go share your Totally Awkward Post on Tova's blog. Why? Because it helps cleanse your soul. It's totally like blogging yoga. :)

Stay beautiful!
~Moxie

Totally Awkward Tuesday

This Totally Awkward Tuesday post is brought to you by the legendary Tova Darling.

Sometimes I really want to say, "My dear readers, I am running out of awkward stories for you!" But in reality, I just don't want to go into the vault of very, very awkward stories. But now, I must.

When I was in the peak of my middle school years, I was in a group from my church that got to go on a trip to Georgia.

I think that going on the trip was awkward enough. I was probably the weirdest, ugliest, and strangest kid there. But yet, these people still faked liking me. Maybe they were being for real, but whatever, back to the story.

So after the trip, we stopped at a beach.

Now, my readers know what Moxie does when she goes to the beach, right? Yes, I hunt for shells. So I did just that. I didn't find much worth a crap, but I really wanted to take one or two home as a souvenir.

But, I was addressed with a problem.

The group leader had called me up to the side, "Moxie, you can only take one shell home."

"What?! Why!?!" I cried out. "I want to take them as souvenirs to my parents, my grandma, and my nephew."

"Moxie, they are going to stink up the car. Please, just put them back," he said, and walked away.

Now, in my childhood years, I thought I was sneaky. There was the ceramic incident, which I got away with. I could totally get away with this too!

So, I put my shells in a cup, and wrapped the cup in a sweater. And I had a big ball. It was huge. And obvious. I made it home, and I felt horrible. I disobeyed my group leader. But oh well, I got my shells, right?

A few years later, as I got home from the beach, I went to youth group. I was talking with one of the other leaders there, and said group leader was there too. Then, after I said that I hunted for shells while I was on vacation, he blurted out...

"YEAH LIKE THAT TIME YOU TOOK THOSE SHELLS EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU NOT TO?"

Oh crap. What do I say?

"Oh... Heheh... Yeah, I was wondering when you'd bring that up?!"

Smooth move Moxie.

None the less, I am MUCH more picky about shell hunting that I once was. There HAVE been times where I went to the beach and didn't pick anything up. AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME NOW?! :)

And I'm sure you're wondering what happened to the cup of "prohibited" shells, aren't you?

Well, they are still sitting in that cup.

If you are reading this, Mr. Group Leader, I am really sorry I disobeyed you. I shouldn't of. It wasn't worth the guilt. And the awkwardness. But mostly the awkwardness.

Totally Awkward Tuesday- Totally Distracted

It's Tuesday again, and you know what that means? TOTALLY AWKWARD TUESDAY WITH TOVA DARLING! Yay!

This week we shall address one of my craziest qualities: how easily distracted I am.

One day, during my Women's Chorus class, we were all sitting in a semi circle. We practicing one of our songs for a competition. The Soprano II section were getting picked on this particular day, leaving my Alto Buttocks sitting upright in my chair.

Mind you, my chorus class is always at the end of the day. It's right after lunch, I'm tired. And to top it all off, my mother probably packed me a bit too much sugary goodness that day.

Now, focus up at the air vents. Hmm... Interesting. There are these moldy spots on the four corners. Air Vent A's mold spot on Corner one is bigger than corner two, three, or four! BUT, look at Air Vent B... It is 6 tiles away from Air Vent A, but Corner two's mold spot is...

While I am looking up at the air vents, in a daze, one of my friends in the Soprano I is trying to find out what I am looking at. Also, my friend sitting beside me is curious. "What are you looking at, Moxie?"

I don't want to get in trouble by my sort-of-not-in-a-good-mood-at-the-moment chorus teacher, so I whisper, "Nothing."

I put my head back in the clouds. Okay, Corner two's mold spot is bigger than Corner 1 , 3, or 4! OOOH man, that's annoying. Air vent A is 6 tiles away from Air vent B. Air Vent C is 6 tiles away from Corner B. We almost have a square here, but stupid...

My friend who was sitting next to me is now looking at the ceiling with me. "I really don't see what you're looking at," she whispers.

My chorus teacher notices. Oh crap. "What's wrong?!" She says angrily, not like you would say if someone was crying or had just broken a bone.

My friend in the Soprano 1 section spoke. "Moxie is looking at something on the ceiling."

"What's up there Moxie?" She says impatiently.

"Nothing. I'm just observing the air vents. They are kind of interesting."

A friend of mine in the Soprano 2 section giggle. So typical of Moxie, I'm sure she's thinking.

My chorus teacher rolls her eyes and continues practicing with the Soprano 2 section.

Alright, here we go again. But stupid Air Vent D is 5 squares away from Air Vent A. NOW IT'S SOME KIND OF WEIRD POLYGON. NO! IT'S GOTTA BE A SQUARE!

Now my chorus teacher was getting mad. She slammed on the piano and had hate in her voice, "YOU'RE DISTRACTING MY SOPRANO 2s!!! STOP LOOKING AT THE AIR VENTS."

D: "Why can't you guys just let me look at the air vents in peace?!?!" I begged.

She gives me an evil glare.

"Okay. I won't do it again... Sorry."

Now I look at the air vents and wonder, "Why hasn't anyone cleaned those things?"

Totally Awkward Tuesday- I'm with Stupid (Yeah, That'd Be Me...)

Hello my loving readers, old and new both. Today I will be participating in Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesday, like I do almost every week.

As you all know, I went to New Jersey this year for almost four weeks. We drove both ways, 19 hours each way. Yes, that was a very long ride.

On the way home, we had 5 people in my aunt's van: My aunt, my 87 year old grandmother, my two cousins, and myself. No matter where we go, it is my job to guide my grandmother out of the car, into where ever we were going, and back out to the car. This is a job I am glad to take. I love both my grandmothers, and this grandmother has a history of falling, and I don't want her to fall again.

But that's not the awkward part. It's not my cute grandmother's fault I got embarrassed, it's my silly loud mouth! :)

Anyway, on the way back from New Jersey, we stopped at a McDonald's for a pit stop. I walked my grandmother into the bathroom and I walked her out once she was done.

Now, while we were walking, this HUGE party was walking by us. I automatically assumed that they were a family. Whether or not they were, I don't know. But still, that's not what caught my eye, but the little, skinny boy caught me by surprise.

The boy was wearing a shirt, much like this:



And next to him, there was a lady. And since the group seemed to be together, I automatically assumed it his mother. So, in an attempt to make some humor, I spoke up.

"Well, that's not very nice!"

Someone in their party said, "What?"

"His shirt, it says 'I'm with stupid. That's not nice to say about your mother."

Then the lady that I thought was his mother spoke up, "I'm not his mother!"

Oops. My bad. "Just kidding!" I said, then walked off slowly with my grandmother. I would of run, but I didn't want to leave my grandmother behind.

We got back to the car and I told my cousins and my aunt what had just happened. Of course, they were really interested. And I really don't think my grandmother knew was going on. But that's okay. All I was thinking was "DUDE, I AM SO POSTING THIS AS A TOTALLY AWKWARD TUESDAY POST! YAY!"

So, thanks Tova Darling. I can now cope with awkward moments more efficiently.

Well, hope you enjoyed my awkward story. Now, I think it's time for you to post YOURS! Go check out Tova's blog for details. I want to hear your awkward stories. :) It makes me happy when people are as blonde as Moxie is!

Totally Awkward Tuesday- Hippie Glasses Equals NO GO

I have been so bummed out that I was unable to participate in Tova Darling's Totally Awkward Tuesday for two whole weeks. But now that I'm back, I shall share yet another totally awkward puzzle piece of my life.

Now I will take you back to my middle school days. Back in middle school, I was an odd ball. I was obsessed with black clothes, skirts, and for a period of time, had a pair of pink tinted glasses. They were, in fact, so UGLY, that Google does not a have a good picture example because they would just break the internet.

School started that 7th grade year. I was out of my very much awkward phase where I didn't have any friends at all, but I was still crammed in a shell that I am no longer stuck in today. In a very bad attempt to look cool [and improve my eyesight, for they were REAL perscription glasses] and up my popularity with my friends, I wore my ugly pink glasses with stride.

Anyway, I had this very weird teacher in the 7th grade. He was a strange man, poor fellow had some injuries occur to him while he was in some war, and that's why he was so weird. But still, he probably makes up forty percent of my totally awkward stories. We'll call him Mr. Weird Teacher, or Mr. WT for short.

I had Mr. WT forth period. After lunch, I rolled into his class with my best friend, Kae, and Rae, who I just befriended.

Mr. WT notices my glasses. "Hey Moxie, I like your glasses."

I'm satisfied, although I had no idea how weird Mr. WT was at the time, so I didn't know what was coming would be a struggle through the whole year. "Thanks!" I say.

Mr. WT would eventually mention that the glasses I was wearing reminded him of the hippie days. This may of been cool to him, because he was totally jealous that I was rocking the hippie look he never go to wear because he was stuck in the war, but this was not something to be overlooked by my teasing classmates.

Every time Mr. WT would see me, he would call me a hippie. Every time one of my classmates would see me, they'd do the same. I remember going home crushed because of this. This continued on the whole year, regardless of me putting the shamed glasses to rest two weeks later. They were totally a waste of money.

I look back on this and laugh. I really do. Back then, I actually thought it was an insult to be a hippie. Now, not so much.

But still, those glasses are ugly. If I could actually find them, I don't think you could possibly pay me to wear them. Lesson learned, unnaturally tinted glass equals NO GO.

Totally Awkward Tuesday- Tubing

Once again, I will be participating in Totally Awkward Tuesday with Tova Darling. So here is mine.

Everyone should know who Dollface is. If you don't, I'll tell you again. Dollface is my boyfriend of almost two years. Anyway, Dollface always has an end of the year party after school lets out. This year, his mom was away for the party, so we had to do the party at his dad's house.

Now, Dollface's dad is kick butt, I'll tell you that. I've never met a dad, other than mine, that was seriously THAT awesome.

Anyway, Dollface's dad has a boat, and we were going to go tubing. The day before we actually had to RETRIEVE the tube from his mom's house, in the rain. No, that wasn't the awkward part. That was the fun part.

So, the day of the party came. It was generally a fun day. I taught some people how to kayak, I watched my friends try to sing on Rock Band, I hate a lot of food. It was fun. Then, it was TUBING TIME.

So we went out on the boat. There were six of us on the boat. Dollface, myself, two of Dollface's friends, Dollface's dad, and one of my best friends.

So we got out on the middle of the lake. Dollface and Dollface's friend #1 went out on the tube. Watching them got me scared. I don't like to take risks. Regardless of moxie meaning courage, I do not like to go out on things that may very well kill me. Anyway, after they went, one of my best friends and Dollface's friend #2 went on. Again, watching this more and more got me scared sh*tless. Then finally, it was my turn.

Dollface and I went on the next time. Now, before I go on with the story, I must give you a very important detail. I was wearing a bikini with shorts on top of the bottoms.

Okay, so we went out on the tube. We kept going faster, and faster. I was getting more and more scared for my life. I kept yelling "DOLLFAAACE!!" when I almost fell off. This happened many times. I'll tell you, I was holding on for my dear life.

Then finally... I fell off...

And so did my bathing suit bottoms.

LE GASP! You say. Yes, that's what I was thinking while I was drowning underneathe the tube. Before I got back up to the surface, I pulled them back up quickly. I was just praying that no one saw.

Luckily, I got back to the top alive. The life jacket helped hide the fact that my bikini half fell off too. No one would have known, unless I asked.

And if you know me well, I did. But they didn't see anything, and they just started laughing. Then, to make the situation even more awkward, Dollface's friend #1 yelled out:

"THAT'S SOMETHING ONLY DOLLFACE SHOULD SEE!"

Right in front of Dollface's dad.

Totally. Awkward.

Totally Awkward Tuesday!

Once again, it is Totally Awkward Tuesday, in which myself and many other bloggers participate with Tova Darling, at her blog Secret Life of Tova Darling. Here I go.

About 5 years ago, I went to this Christian Youth Camp with my former youth group. Here, we volunteered in the community and such. It was a very moving time in my life, but yet, very awkward. I was only in the sixth grade, so I was tremendously awkward just at that.

We had to go somewhere with our group, and after that, we were going to go to Walmart. My group went to this other church place, where there were showers. We were given the opportunity to take showers in the two shower stalls there: the boy stall and the girl stall.

Now there were only about three or four dudes in our group, the rest of us were girls. Once the dudes were done in the shower, the rest of the girls were aloud to use the boys stall if they needed to. So, of course, I did.

I took my shower in the boys' stall. If I may add, it was INCREDIBLY disgusting. Words cannot explain how disgusting it was, but believe me, it was disgusting.

So afterwards, at Walmart, I was discussing how disgusting the boys' bathroom was. Then, I said very loudly, "I'm NEVER using the boys' bathroom again!!!" This lady gave me a weird look, and one of my friends said, "Did you really have to say that THAT loudly?"

None the less, I look back on those days and laugh. But it was incredibly awkward. And disgusting. Seriously. I'm NEVER using the boys' bathroom/shower stall AGAIN. Eew.

Totally Awkward Tuesday Time

I have decided to participate in Totally Awkward Tuesday with Tova at her blog, Secret Life of Tova Darling. I'll try to tie it into my creative theme I have going here, so here I go.

In a former life, I was a girl scout. Every summer, we'd have a week long summer day camp. This was something I looked forward to every year... up until after the third grade.

So, it was the summer after I finished the third grade. This year at Girl Scout Camp, we'd be doing all kinds of crafts, making creative kiddie crafts, and swimming. This particular day at Girl Scout Camp, we made these weird ceramic things with our hand prints in it. After we were done, we were to let them dry by the big sliding glass doors.

Now mind you, ever since I was born, I have been a very clumsy person. Give me a pair of rollar skates, I'll fall on my face. Tell me to climb up a staircase, you'll hear a big "KA-THUNK" thirty seconds later.

The end of the day came faster than I knew it. I went over to the sliding glass doors to see if my dad was in the parking lot yet, and then... I look down. I totally forgot that the weird ceramic things were drying exactly were I was standing.

But luckily for me, no one was looking, so I just stepped aside like nothing happened. I went home that day and came back the next day.

We gathered at the flagpole, like we did every morning, and something along these lines were said, "Yesterday afternoon, someone stepped in the weird ceramic things we made. If anyone knows who did this, please tell us. You will be awarded."

Oh no! I thought. I'm a criminal.

I had to take very obnoxious measures to make sure I was not caught. I had to make sure all the ceramic crap was cleaned off the bottom of my shoes before I went to camp the next day. I walked without picking up my feet, so no one could tell what the patterns were on the bottom of my shoes. I could of sworn one the other girl's dad was a secret agent, coming to investigate the "Crime Scene".

None the less, I was never caught. Yes, I have horrible karma as of today. But oh well. Such is life. This isn't the moral I should be portraying, but then yet, since when is coming clean to the mean Girl Scout Leaders the right thing to do? :)